The other night, June 12, Farmboy's Birthday:

Vida: Why do you love me? We're so different.

Jerrold: We're yin and yang. We fight. We hear each other out. We're polar opposites but we always work things out, love.

I sooo love my farmboy!

We went to PG's dinner last night. Mary was there and I greeted her warmly. I realize I don't hate her. No, I don't take back the stuff I said about her before. It's just that I had a slight change of perspective.

The past few entries have been about her. Why am I so distressed over this girl? It's because to me she's almost like a sister. I care that she gets home safe. I care that she gets to eat right. I care that she behaves properly. It's because I love her that I hate her--no not her, but the things that she said and did. And this hate magnifies all the other little things she does even when she means no harm.

In her defense, she's only seventeen. She grew up her whole life in the States. Different culture, different set of values. It's safe to say she may not have any real grasp of the gravity and consequence of her actions. People I consulted would tell me, "If you really consider her a friend, you should tell her what you think." This is easier said than done. One can never convince a 17-year-old (or any person for that matter) to change radically unless she sees the error of her ways. At this point, it gives her a good ego-boosting doing what she does. No problem with ego boosts at all as long as you don't trample down other people's egos. It's not her fault, she just doesn't know any better. I can't be the one to tell her this because if her boyfriend tolerates her behavior, then who am I to butt in? Besides, there'll be too much at stake. I don't want to be the one to disrupt the harmony of my boyfriend's barkada lest I be the enemy. Best thing to do is to keep mum and let others dig their own graves.

My cousin's coming to Davao with a group of girl friends. She asked my tita to find them some guys to entertain them so they could "have some fun". Guess who my tita had in mind to entertain the girls? None other than Mary's boyfriend, a.k.a. man-whore of Davao City. How very odd for a tita to hook her niece up with someone of that reputation, and someone who's taken for that matter. My tita asked me to ask him. Of course, I refused. That would have been a betrayal against Mary. So my tita contacted him herself. The girls are arriving today. I wonder...

We went to PG's dinner last night. Mary was there and I greeted her warmly. I realize I don't hate her. No, I don't take back the stuff I said about her before. It's just that I had a slight change of perspective.

The past few entries have been about her. Why am I so distressed over this girl? It's because to me she's almost like a sister. I care that she gets home safe. I care that she gets to eat right. I care that she behaves properly. It's because I love her that I hate her--no not her, but the things that she said and did. And this hate magnifies all the other little things she does even when she means no harm.

In her defense, she's only seventeen. She grew up her whole life in the States. Different culture, different set of values. It's safe to say she may not have any real grasp of the gravity and consequence of her actions. People I consulted would tell me, "If you really consider her a friend, you should tell her what you think." This is easier said than done. One can never convince a 17-year-old (or any person for that matter) to change radically unless she sees the error of her ways. At this point, it gives her a good ego-boosting doing what she does. No problem with ego boosts at all as long as you don't trample down other people's egos. It's not her fault, she just doesn't know any better. I can't be the one to tell her this because if her boyfriend tolerates her behavior, then who am I to butt in? Besides, there'll be too much at stake. I don't want to be the one to disrupt the harmony of my boyfriend's barkada lest I be the enemy. Best thing to do is to keep mum and let others dig their own graves.

My cousin's coming to Davao with a group of girl friends. She asked my tita to find them some guys to entertain them so they could "have some fun". Guess who my tita had in mind to entertain the girls? None other than Mary's boyfriend, a.k.a. man-whore of Davao City. How very odd for a tita to hook her niece up with someone of that reputation, and someone who's taken for that matter. My tita asked me to ask him. Of course, I refused. That would have been a betrayal against Mary. So my tita contacted him herself. The girls are arriving today. I wonder...

Yesterday was our 10th monthsary. I got home and took a shower. I was expecting the worst. We had just made up after the ugly Thursday episode that made us rethink our relationship. We had but two days apart and yet the wounds inflicted by the threat of almost permanent separation still stung. I knew he was still hurt. But he reacts to hurt not with tears but with anger. This knowledge hung over me, a dark cloud threatening to cover up what was left of my sunshine.

The Thursday epsiode? It was my fault. I apologized. I was jealous and I had no basis for being so. I knew he loved me so what was eating me? I was insecure beyond reason.

So I picked him up from school. We were quiet. Not our old, usual sweet. Things are gonna be different, I felt. We took a cab to Iron Horse, this popular and really cheap buffet place (P79 bucks for the meal and P35 for bottomless iced tea). I dreaded having to sit in front of him, and not having anything to say. I dreaded what I predicted was going to be a silent dinner.

"So how was your day?" he asked.

I answered.

"So how was your day?" I asked.

He answered.

And we started talking. Talking like we hadn't in the longest time. Talking as if it was our first date. Asking, discussing, exchanging opinions. Almost like friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time. Except we were more than friends. We spent a lot of time together. We thought we knew each other but we never realized that getting to know never stops.

I felt a smile playing on my lips. I remembered how it felt the first time I realized I loved him. I knew he felt it too.

"You're so beautiful."

I blushed.

Things are gonna be different. Things are gonna be better.

Currently feeling: serene