I need no saving for I manage to swim albeit with strife.

Yet so tempted am I to get on and find out where the wind upon your sail will take us.

I was at my old high school friend’s wedding yesterday. I was the cord sponsor, tasked with the difficult job of binding husband and wife. I hadn’t seen this friend in years, so I was surprised when I was met by the same girl I had known for more than 8 years, except that she had a big bump on her tummy evident beneath her white satin gown. Seeing old friends reminded me of how I used to be and made me realize that there are some things that don’t change albeit time and distance. We’ve all grown up (I hope) and lead separate lives. Reunion is bittersweet: This was how we used to be—it was beautiful. This is what we are now—let it be.

In the church, I almost cried. Seeing a happy bride and groom on their special day is perhaps one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed. I’ve gone on several but yesterday was different because love was evident. It was in the way the groom gazed lovingly upon his bride. It was the bride’s irreplaceable smile. The bump on my friend’s tummy was a little bundle of joy waiting to happen. My own time is far off yet I felt some pangs of envy at their happiness despite what I imagined must have been a tortuous affair having to explain to parents and relatives, etc., wondering if that day would be as happy for me if and when the time came. At the same time, I was thankful I still have the liberty to live my life the way I want without having to worry about marital domestic concerns.

Que sera sera.

What would you do if someone you loved and whom you thought was dead suddenly appears before you?

Would you jump for joy and throw a party?

Would you run?

Would you cry?

Death is a phase that not only the "dead" undergo. Those they leave behind experience four post-mortem stages: denial, anger, grief and finally acceptance.

***

Denial

You refuse to believe that separation is permanent. You shed a few tears and then smile as if nothing's happened. You try to establish your old routine and you are successful for a moment. Suddenly, you find yourself having bouts of nostalgia. You become hysterical--laughing and crying at the same time.

Anger

At a loss for somebody to blame for your plight, you blame the deceased. You enumerate his/her weaknesses. Then, you focus on one fact: that he/she left you. Never mind if it wasn't intentional. He/she is to blame.

Grief

You break down. He/she will never come back. Ever. There is no hope. Life will never be the same again.

Acceptance

You realize it was nobody's fault. It is but a part of life. Treasure the memories. Move one. Time is too precious to be wasted on what cannot be undone. Life is beautiful.

***

I find it easier to forgive a dead person than one who is living. Say two persons commit the same mistake and the other one dies. The dead one is absolved. The unlucky living one is not. Why so? I think it's because the dead's fate has been sealed. The living one still has the capacity to make up for his misdeeds. And we expect them to do so.

***

Remember the movie Castaway? Tom Hanks is stranded on an island. Helen Hunt moves on with her life thinking he's dead. She gets married and bears kids. After six years, he reapppears. Wtf!

***

So, what if somebody suddenly rose from the dead?

Do you "unforgive" them?

Do you "unaccept" their death?

Do you say "I'm glad your alive--again"?

Would you not be disoriented?

Would you not find your world shattering to millions of tiny pieces?

If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, its almost impossible to succeed, but... who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt.

-Selene, Before Sunrise