Yesterday, I found myself in my new flat.

It's this large, sort of hexagonal, irregularly shaped room with huge windows from floor to ceiling. The room was flooded with sunlight and I could feel the breeze coming through the windows. Very good ventilation, I thought.

Oprah came to make sure that I had all the right furniture in all the right places. It was like one of their room makeovers or something. All these really tall cabinets with lots of drawers. White semi-opaque curtains. A king-sized bed with white sheets and fluffy white pillows. The floor was tiled, looked sort of Mediterranean. Beautiful.

I walked into an adjoining room, the kitchen. Oprah's gay assistant was whipping something up for merienda on the kitchen counter--beef enchilada. Yum!

I kept thanking Oprah and her assistant for making my flat such a wonderful place.

~

Suddenly, I was walking around the garden in shorts, a tank top and lavender Converse sneakers.

~

The alarm goes off. I wake up. It was all a dream.

~

Come to think of it, I never saw the bathroom. God, I want those lav sneakers!

I remember walking in the rain, no umbrella, with your arms around me.

How can I forget?

That was the last time I saw you, waving down a taxi.

Getting on without me, and you're sorry.

How can I forget?

That was the last time. 

 

You're sorry.

 

I remember somewhere in a dream.

A man without a face. It was you. You were quiet. 

I knew what you were thinking but you couldn't say it.

Letting go the feeling. Things ain't what they are.

Now, rain is falling, no umbrella. I remember you. 

 

You're sorry. 

 

(No Umbrella by Cynthia Alexander, Insomnia and Other Lullabyes) 

Currently listening to: Pops Club Music
Currently feeling: listless

We've never met but I know you. You used to be the love of the love of my life. And he trusted you, he believed in you, he loved you. But like a whore of the night, you kept multiple lovers. And you succeeded at your game of deception for a while, until the truth finally slapped him in the face--showing him exactly the kind of woman that you are. And he left. And he showed you that you're not the only woman in the world.

And you were shattered. Of course, you were shattered. You just lost the best thing that ever happened to you.

But what can you do? It's been over six years! Six years! And throughout those six years, your sorry ass has wrinkled and aged from 24 to 30.

30 fucking years! Literally! And you still have the gall to try your chances, to take a love that no longer belongs to you?! Ha! Fat chance!!!!

And you call yourself a professional! You're even a law student. And you do not have the delicadesa to stay away from a man who is clearly committed. You come in the guise of friendship, and you almost had me fooled. I was willing to be friends with you, you know? Because he told me that apart from the fact that you're a S-L-U-T, you're an okay person and you're fun to be with. And I respect the fact that you're a part of my love's history.

But tell me, what sort of "friend" calls every so often just to ask "So, how's your sex life? Is she good? Is she better than me?"

Last Saturday was the last straw. You sent a package to Davao and you could have asked your relatives to pick the package up, but instead, you ask my boyfriend to pick it up and deliver it to your relatives!!!??? (What an excuse you've concocted just to talk to him!) And you even strategically placed a heart on the gift tag "Merry christmas (heart) you". Wow, how sweet! Perhaps that's how you charm all those men, huh? All those men who leave eventually when they see that you're really pure, vile poison with chocolate coating.

You should consider yourself lucky that there's a poor guy who fell for your charms, oblivious to your meandering mechanisms. As if that's not enough, guess what his name is--Gerald! Talk about being hung up.

You tell me that "I have no right to interfere with your 'friendship' with Jerrold just because I'm a jealous girlfriend." And you tell me you're "coming to Davao to finish me off!" I am no fighter but I am not one to back off if it's for a cause that I hold dear.

You dare lecture me about love and trust when it is very apparent that you do not know what you are talking about. You are the very epitome of falsehood--the very reason why people are afraid to trust. If you knew what love is all about, then why have you not found it? Why do you have to throw yourself at a man who is obviously deeply in love with someone else?!

You can shower him with expensive presents, but no money in the world will ever take Jerrold away from me. Like he said, "hindi ko na kakainin ang naisuka ko na." As far as he's concerned, YOU"RE VOMIT! But don't feel too bad. Just think, at least you're vomit wrapped in designer clothes and perfume. And maybe, if you put on enough perfume, nobody will notice the stench that you emit.

Have some dignity, girl! Take a hint! Put yourself together. Stop living in the past, because no matter how many times you wish that you could have been faithful, you clearly CANNOT. Not before, not now, not ever. But God is kind. Treasure what you have because it just might be your last shot at love.

You know, you may have created a stir, but I'm glad you warned us early enough. Now, Jerrold and I are feeding each other the BEST VITAMINS in the world to prevent catching YOUR POLYGAMOUS GERMS--that is LOVE.

Thank you so much for coming into our lives. You helped us prove that OUR LOVE is strong enough to weather the likes of you.